User blog:Dorkpool/Creepypasta Riffs: Hooked
Since I'm not going to post during the weekend (that's what Poison is going to do), I decided to post today. This story was suggested by someone who likes the Riffs, a lady by the name of Hailey Sawyer (if you're reading this, hi!), and is a lost episode story in the form of journal entries. So this will be fun. So, let's hope that "hyper-realistic" isn't used, and Riff this bitch. 12:56 PM, March 25, 2013 I know no one will believe me. No one ever does. “People never believe me when I say that the world is run by the Illuminati and reptile people.” But if I never get the word out, no one will know the truth. Spread the word. Wait, wrong pasta. The truth, about Disney Channel. Most of us watch Disney Channel, right? I don’t. You guys know how the shows have gone down in quality, right? They’re too busy trying to get the movie rights for all Marvel characters. Well, do you know the truth about Disney? That Mickey Mouse is now our overlord? If you are a Disney fanatic, you probably watch Fish Hooks. Which is why I don’t. Y'know, the show with the fish going to high school. Finding Nemo: The Later Years. The title of this show sounds like a pun Well that’s punderful, rambling on about how we catch "fishies" with hooks. One glance, and that seems like the reason for this title. But it's not. “In truth, it’s because the only other title they could think of was ‘High School is a Beach’.” Disney Channel had an agreement with the creators of Fish Hooks to name the show as a tribute to a banned show which was called Hooked. At THIS first glance, it sounds like two things: A show about hooks or prostitutes ''either addiction, or Captain Hook's show. But neither are right. ''“It’s actually because aliens telepathically told the writers to name the show that.” ''And you will find out why this title later on. In fact, it's not clear to me. ''If you don’t know, then how will we know? The show was cancelled in December 2003, around the time of my 25th birthday. December…25…CHRISTMAS! '' There were gruesome things in Season 1 ''Can’t be worse than the Lost finale, and they cancelled it, never to be shown again... But it will be talked about here. I better be done now, because I feel as if something is watching me type. Slender Man, stop trolling people. Thanks for your time. Wait, this is over? Wow, this story really was short. Oh, yeah! Never mind. One last thing: My name is Stevens Martin. Totally not based on Steve Martin. Don't go researching about me. I wasn’t planning to. I'm in the Witness Protection Program. Is it really wise to tell us that? And it is all because of an incident, but I'll get to that later. “It involves a bucket, two water bottles, and a prostitute.” 8:31 PM, March 25, 2013 Hey, guys. The paranoia was nonsense, I think. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA…oh, you’re so naive I found the pilot episode. Yippee. It's called "Susy's Parents." Susy’s Parents: What Are They Hiding From You? It starts at a NYC hospital. Wait, is this a Grey’s Anatomy lost episode? A girl is born, and she's named Susy. SHIA SURPRISE! It then flashes forward 16 years. So why was she shown being born? Why not just start with her being 16? Eh, whatever, The girl wants to get home-schooled, but she never is listened to by anyone. Well, people are too busy listening to their iPods and stuff. So she wishes she never had parents. That’s logical. “No one listens to me, so I don’t want parents.” Wish to be home-schooled, genius. It reminds me of Fairly Oddparents. Why? Does a bickering married couple of fairies appear, disguised as goldfish? Anyways, the wish goes terribly wrong, Good job! and she is found floating in nothing but darkness. Somebody forgot to pay the electric bill. The screen pans to her left, where about ten other boys and girls are floating. To her right, about seventeen boys and girls float. Purgatory Simulator, 2015. While all this goes on, the world is seen melting in a split screen, like there is acid nearby. I once spilled sulfuric acid on my finger, and it’s fine. Not all acid melts things. (#NotAllAcids) Susy decides that her wish caused this and wishes that she never wished it. Wait, so if she wishes she never wished it, then she wouldn’t have made the second wish, and…AHHHH! WISH PARADOX! Sadly, nothing happens. Oh, hey look, a description of this pasta so far. She realizes the wish can not be reversed, and she screams for help. Because there’s surely someone in a dark purgatory who can help you. I felt weird, because something felt bad in all this. The writing? I mean, being in the Nether region? Wait, she’s a sperm? That's more of an older kid's topic. Holy crap, she’s a sperm. Susy starts to pitch a fit, just like the one in the beginning about school. God, she whines a lot. She’s the Superboy-Prime of the Disney universe. She wishes that she was back on Earth, and she gets back to her planet. Well, if she’s a sperm, she must be in her dad’s…nether parts, which is on the planet. It is then revealed what is granting these wishes. Oprah? And, no, it isn't a genie Then who will I dream of?... It was a demon! Mephisto, get out of her. Disney hasn’t bought Marvel yet. The demon looked so realistic, too. If I see the words “hyper-realistic”, I’ll scream. Oh yeah, the show is animated, so it was strange for a live action demon in the show. This is a show about the earth melting. We passed the strange marker long ago. Just the sight of the demon was creepy. I’ll have to take your word for it. Anyways, the demon tells Susy that she has one more wish, and that she should use it wisely. “I wish for an infinite amount of wishes.” She looks down, thinking, when she notices the Earth is melting. Because that’s normal. Scared, she wishes the Earth wasn't melting. Why not wish the Earth wasn’t in any danger? However, the demon isn't paying attention, and the planet falls into the sun. Oops. The show cut to the credits. Director - KKKKKKKKKKKKKKK So the director dressed like a ghost from a geometry teacher’s nightmare? And the credits went to static. I thought I told you to stop trolling people, Slender Man. During the static, there was cussing in the background. Sorry, that’s me. I was complaining about the stupidity of this story. Then, the VCR sputtered, and blew a fuse. How I felt after reading “Sonic.exe.” And it HAD to happen at the bad part where the demon's face was seen! It just HAD to. Naturally. I went to turn off the TV, but guess what? Chicken butt. The damn TV blew a fuse! Well, that blows. Now, whenever I enter the bedroom, a very creepy picture of the demon can be seen! Wait, when televisions blow a fuse, a picture of a demon is shown? I call shenanigans. Oh, one last thing. There are quite a few entries left. I truly doubt it’s one last thing. The story of how I got this tape? Probably more interesting than this one. Well some guy was selling a bunch of bootlegs, and I found a tape saying "HOOKED 1.1: SUSY'S DREAM." He was also selling a bootleg version of X-Men Origins: Wolverine. I asked the guy where he got it, and he said some man was scared, and he gave the tape, That’s the same thing the guy who donated X-Men Origins: Wolverine said. saying how it will haunt you and your TV/VCR will cut at the scary part. Well, now it seems clear. Wait, you knew? You fucking knew? I hate you. The guy apparently never watched the tape. Yeah, because he was selling it. He was lucky. 8:03 PM, March 31, 2013 (EASTER) Really, it doesn't seem right to write about a banned show on a religious holiday It should feel worse to write crap, but whatever, but...here it goes. I finally found Hooked's second episode, And you were hooked? Get it? Yeah, sorry and I found some background on episode one: It was directed by a German director named Tanas het Lidve What a clever anagram for Satan the Devil. Decipher this one: S’hatt Ditusp, who had offered the script for Cry Baby Lane, which was even more demonic than the released version. I’ve never seen Cry Baby Lane, so is it demonic? He had gone into hiding for four years, and then he got a job at Disney Channel Studios, or whatever it is called. The fact that Satan works at Disney doesn’t surprise me. Many people were told by their children that they were scared of death, both the man and the action I thought Death was a woman. Are you saying comics lied to me?. And all this started right after the episode premiered. Now for the second episode. Do we have to? This one was live-action, and was only five minutes. It was titled "Seven Dwarves." Disney is copying itself. How original. Seven Dwarves started with two children walking around, carelessly. I know enough about fairy tales to know this is going to end badly. One of them accidentally trips on a brick, laughs, and is cursed by a weird demon-dwarf. Um, what? A kid trips on a brick, and the dwarf from hell curses him? What in the hell? The next day, the other child, who didn't get cursed, is seen walking around again, but this time by himself. He walks a lonely road, the only one that he has ever known. He is crying and visits a graveyard, where we see a tombstone. Gasp! A tombstone in a graveyard! What other twists will be thrown at us? The child turns to the screen, You’re not Deadpool. Don’t break the fourth wall. and he says, "The Seven Dwarves will break down everyone until the world is their world. “They’ll do it by writing bad Creepypasta stories, and making some poor schmuck make bad jokes about them.” ''Why not obey them starting now? ''Because I’m a rebel." With that, his face burns to dust, and he laughs, rather demonically. So he burns, then laughs? Sure, why not? The episode then fades out. Wait, there weren’t even Slender-fied credits? I feel cheated. This episode was also directed by that Tanas guy, and it also caused fear of death. This is making me wish for death, now. But now, children were disappearing. Slender Man, I thought I told you to go away. The strange things are: they disappear right after watching Seven Dwarves, and the only clue is a note on their pillows, saying, "The Seven Dwarves will rule all!!!!!!" Were all those exclamation points necessary? I investigated this Tanas guy, and I found some chilling stuff. A refrigerator? '' Not only was his name strange, but it was a code. ''Really? I had no idea. If you scramble the letters a little, you get something dark: Satan the Devil. Wow, Satan, you were really being subtle. Using a crappy anagram to disguise yourself. 4:53 PM, April 1, 2013 (April Fools Day) I promise to update more, guys. You don’t have to. Quick note. I realized that the internet probably will have something about this. Yes, of course the Internet has something about Satan. (Oh yeah, I found out about this show from a chain mail. Chain mail and Creepypasta are never a good combination.) I went on Google and found a Wikipedia article stating that Tanas was born on June 6, 1976. In date form, it is 6-6-6. Actually, it’s 6-6-76. Or 666. He IS the devil. Find him and ask for Peter Parker and Mary Jane’s marriage back. 7:07 PM, April 1, 2013 (April Fools Day) What just happened guys? Well, it happened in Vegas, so we’ll never know. I was on the Pasta Wiki, and it went to Jeff the Killer? You poor bastard. Seriously, guys. Please try and post real things. I got episode three of the Hooked series. The series is actually five episodes, so I'm almost halfway done. OH, YOU’RE ONLY HALFWAY THERE! WO-OAH! LIVIN’ ON A PRAYER! The episode, which I found on an eBay ripoff, is called "Sure You Die." Suuuuuure. This one is the creepiest thing yet. It starts with static Slender Man! For the last time, you’re not needed here! Go back to harassing people who use video cameras too much., and then goes to pictures of newer SpongeBob episodes Oh no, it’s “Squidward’s Suicide!” Run!, which surely didn't premiere back then. It goes to more static, where Steamboat Willie plays. Wait, no, it’s “Suicidemouse.avi.”Run! More static, more pictures from after the premiere date, more static, another Mickey Mouse clip, and then, after twenty-six minutes of nothing, it cuts from the cycle and shows a picture, zooming in. Let me guess, the picture’s from the Simpsons. Screeches are heard, and the picture gets closer and closer, and then stops, zooms out, and blows up. Directed by Michael Bay. After this strange event, a picture flashes on, and it is pretty clear of what it is. “Pictures of Satan when he embarked on an ill-advised modeling career.” It is a picture of the Titanic sinking, but with the Twin Towers in the background. Ok, someone’s getting their Photoshop privileges revoked. Then, the demon appears on top of the North Tower, and he sets fire to the ocean and disappears. I knew Adele was Satan! The ocean turns to blood, and everyone screams. I scream, you scream, everybody screams! The picture goes away suddenly, and a sweet, sweet voice is heard. “Do you want to build a snowman?” it asks. "Why did I die?" the voice says. Plot. "Why? Oh, why?! WHY, WHY WHY WHY SWEET CHILD O’MINE!" Then the demon appears in the blackness. His face shapeshifts into the little girl, and he snickers. Satan, have a Smickers. You’re not you when you’re hungry. The demon tells the viewer, "Because you wouldn't save me, you damn son of a-" and the episode ends. Sorry. I got busy. I’ll be sure to save you next time, Satan. I am getting creeped out, and not just by the show. “Also by that weird growth on my thigh.” I blacked-out during posting, and I didn't get to finish. Also, no one is talking to me on Skype... That’s because no one likes talking to you. Then again, they ARE out to sea. Wait, what? '' But really, my younger brother of 25 usually updates once a week, but he hasn't said a word to anyone since I started researching Hooked. ''Didn’t you get his message? He realized you were going to write a bad Creepypasta, and decided to disown you. But wait! He’s still alive! Shia surprise! Maybe...oh, no! Please no!!! “Not Batman and Robin! Have you no mercy?” One last thing I am creeped out about: “that Dead Bart picture.” ''nothing was animated in that last scene...and the demon? ''What about the demon? I knew the guy who voiced him. Hank Azaria? His name was James Nicke, and he went to High School with me. Is James Nicke an anagram too? He always pulled pranks with that voice-changing ability of his, and the demonic voice was his favorite. Ok, I just have this weird thought of Nicke watching a couple make out, and then he says in his demon voice, “You turn me on. Yummy.” It’s a rather amusing scene. But when I looked at the cast, the demon was said to be played by a Mister "i am dead, Stevens." Obviously a pseudonym. He is said to be dead, and I think it was the maker of Hooked that killed him. Damn it, Satan! First you kill marriages, now you kill random people. When will this insanity end? But hey, it's just a hunch. The Hunch of Notre-Dame. Peace out! No! War in! 11:18 AM, April 13, 2013 Oh crud oh crud oh crud!!!!! It’s refreshing to read a bad Creepypasta with no profanity. Sorry for that guys, but I just saw James at the mall. “He was with his girlfriend, in the shoe department of a Macy’s. I saw the wish for death in his eyes.” I talked to him, but he didn't respond. I looked in his mouth, and someone had cut off his tongue... So he has no tongue, and goes into a public place? Smart. I have to keep posting, guys, or I will die. Ok, stop posting then. I don’t mind. I found a note saying how the production team would kill me if I stopped. How do you know that’s not a prank? The catch? “If I do watch it, I became Satan’s sex toy.” If I don't stop, I don't die, but most of my family will. Yeah, don’t be a selfish prick. Stop watching. Calm down... Sorry. It’s fine. Anyways, I found episode four. This didn't seem bad at all...until the ending. My opinion of Star Trek Into Darkness. The episode, which I also found on that eBay ripoff, is called "Stevens Dies." Spoiler alert! Right when I saw the name, I almost had a heart attack. “Instead, I had a stroke.” They knew about me all along! So he’s being threatened by the NSA? I got my grip, though, and watched it. The episode starts with Vietnam hippies chanting how the war should end, “and taking copious amounts of LSD” and then it shows JFK coming to the White House. “Then it showed Bill Clinton coming in the White House.” A narrator, played by James, explains that war is a bad thing...but killing is normal. So I should kill people just because? Ok. “Sonic.exe” writer, watch your back. The screen then cuts to the Zapruder film. Not just any Zapruder film, but the Zapruder film. It also shows a reenactment of Lincoln's killing and cuts to black. In case anyone was wondering, according to the reenactment, Lincoln was killed because John Wilkes Booth couldn’t see the play due to Lincoln’s height and hat. A scream rips through the blackness and the screen flashes to Tanas ripping my heart out. Obviously that’s CGI. I screamed, but I kept watching. This is where I would complain about him watching it, but he explained his selfish reason for doing so. So I’m just going to call him a selfish prick. Tanas laughs, and the screen fades to black. “Fades to black” is used way too much in this story. This is where the credits are shown. “However, this time the video for the song Maniac was shown.” Instead of the regular credits for the series, all the words are replaced by "Stevens Dies." Satan really wants to hammer that point home. I quickly took the tape out and burned it. Yes, burn the tape created by Satan, Lord of Hell. I am not watching that again! Well, at least he did something smart. This story was not very good. Then again, at this point, I've kind of associated lost episode/game with "not very good", and this story proves why. The idiotic anagram was rather stupid, certain things are never explained (why was he in the Witness Protection Program? How are the producers able to find him? Why did he randomly find "Jeff the Killer"? Why is the show called "Hooked"? I don't know), and what is explained is kind of stupid (Satan. That is all). There are some good points: the spelling and grammar isn't that bad, the reason why Stevens is watching the show is explained, and story wasn't very long. All in all though, this is crap. So, what do you all think? Was this story any good? Do you prefer Poison's Riffs to mine? Do you wish I would get an episode of that show sent to me called "Dorkpool Dies"? Leave your thoughts in the comments below! Category:Blog posts